Reading Secrets
A Queer Inheritance
of Life & Scripture
A trans pastor's fascination with scriptures inherited from his closeted, fundamentalist father.
From Exile to Inheritance
A Trans Pastor’s Journey Through Grief, Faith, and Family
When his dad died, Malcolm Himschoot inherited his father’s Bibles. He chose to re-read them, examining his dad’s notes in the margins, teasing out the details of his upbringing and gender identity amid the structures and forms of biblical narratives.
For Malcolm, coming out meant exile and verbal excommunication; he embodied all his gay father tried to hide. In Reading Secrets, he travels alongside the ghost of his father, exploring their inherited homophobia and the American culture that shaped their triumphs and tragedies.
With these poetic and evocative meditations, Malcolm transforms the Scripture he inherited, and finds a place in it for himself.
"You will find comfort in these pages"
"This unique memoir in verse is both balm and struggle. Much like the Scripture stories woven throughout, Himschoot faces all of it with bravery and an unflinching honesty. If you’ve struggled with family lineages, your own story, or the Christian story you will find comfort in these pages."
"Beautiful and raw..."
"Beautiful and sad and raw. Like life."
"Worth reading"
"It's about time someone recorded the bullshit going on in church ministry! This book is worth reading!"
"Charged with insights..."
"Charged with insights and a powerfully compact way of expressing the soul’s work"
"Grace-filled and will touch your heart..."
"This memoir is grace-filled and will touch your heart, mind and soul. Be prepared to be opened to gratitude for the More that cannot be confined."
"A story that moves like water and wind and roots through soil."
"In Reading Secrets, Malcolm queers the forms and functions of memoir, biblical interpretation, and poetry to offer a landscape of story that moves like water and wind and roots through soil. The power of this movement is subtle and deep...with a tenderness of heart that is truth-telling, vulnerable, and compassionate. Malcolm...can help all of us build the capacity to hold the complexities of our inheritances necessary for collective liberation."
Featured Excerpt
Begin Your Own Reading
A brief passage from Malcolm Himschoot’s Reading Secrets: A Queer Inheritance of Life & Scripture
READING SECRETS
A Queer Inheritance
of
Life & Scripture
Part One
“We are aliens and strangers in your sight, as were
all our forefathers.” 1 Chronicles 29
A BIBLE STORY
How this all pertains to love
We give our attention to a story.
When the fire blazes up and the night sky
descends, it begins. After the trauma,
after the separation and the genocide and loss
and chaos, it begins.
“In the beginning.” Genesis 1
My story:
My father died. He read the Bible
in a certain way.
My dad died of AIDS.
He was a white Christian man in America.
When my dad died, I had feelings.
I too have read the Bible.
This is a book about the way I read the Bible
and the way my dad read the Bible.
It was the only book he ever read.
Except those small tracts printed
on soft paper and kept in his wallet.
I am a transgender man.
He never named me as his son,
though I introduced myself to him that way.
That is a clue to this story.
When I was lonely, I tried to find my own language.
This is a little book about the Bible.
—
Stories of need and innocence, guilt and hunger,
sensuality and prescribed custom,
anger and hate,
justice and injustice,
life and death.
That’s the Bible.
And also citizenship and slavery,
longing and landlessness,
government and insurgency.
In this lore, Love and Wisdom can be trusted
and suspected in equal measure.
What is named might not be what is named.
Who is named might change their name.
God became Jesus, and Jesus became Christ,
and the Spirit moaned
and grew a church.
The Bible is that story, and …
Listening, take a breath.
The story continues.
Somewhere along the way I heard a prayer.
I heard my own name and a name for God.
Jesus said, “I have no place to lay my head.” Matthew 8
But we make nests and holes to smother
and bury him in.
This is a little book about the Bible.
Big words may not fit.
—
The Bible is a place. People have lived there.
Betwixt, between, and beyond genders,
people have lived there.
Around corners. In cracks.
Kept secret.
Some people find hospitality in the Bible.
Some do not.
If you stay, or if you struggle,
you might belong to this place.
—
Architects in every age design dwelling places
for deities.
Big places carved out of stone.
A great canyon flipped above the horizon.
Canyons trace the etchings of ages.
Mysteries of water and wind write lines
in stone all the way down.
Canons of literature scribe a monument flipped.
Sediments of writing stacked up on
sediments of other writing all the way up.
—
My first Bible had my given name imprinted on it.
A name is a thing that is not a thing. A name
can disintegrate faster than a gourd
or a corpse or a rotten log.
A name can be traded like coffee or gold.
A name can be changed on a birth certificate,
by court order, or in a ritual of community consent.
A name can inflate and then implode.
Can rise or fall like currency.
It can be two things at once.
Your identity might not be what you thought it was.
This happened to your ancestors too.
Maybe something promised is ahead of you.
Maybe your bones have meaning.
I had to change my name.
Someone told me, “Things will be more
amazing than you’ve ever dreamed.”
I read the sacred story again.
They were not wrong.
Continue Reading
Order Reading Secrets through Bookshop.
About the Author
A Story of Dedication and Community
Malcolm wrote portions of his own story into creative nonfiction to resist authoritarianism in family, faith, and culture. Malcolm is currently a minister and educator with the United Church of Christ, and has been public as a trans man since 2004.
He was featured in the indie film Call Me Malcolm, co-produced by Filmworks! and the United Church of Christ. This documentary about gender diversity, community, and call to ministry has shown nationwide and internationally since 2004, and garnered queer film festival audience awards and praise.
Events, Bookings & Community Conversations
What’s going on, and how can I get involved?
If you know a group that wants to host Malcolm for an event connecting literature, social change, faith, family, and spirituality across generations, please be in touch.
FAQ
If you're wondering about the book, click to explore.
What is this book about?
It’s a poetic and deeply personal exploration of faith, identity, and inherited belief. The book reflects on Scripture through a queer, trans lens—and on the cultural and familial forces that shaped both the author and his closeted father.
Who is Malcolm Himschoot?
Rev. Malcolm Himschoot is a transgender man, a writer, educator, and minister in the United Church of Christ. His work focuses on inclusive theology, social justice, and reclaiming sacred texts for marginalized communities.
He was featured in the indie film Call Me Malcolm, co-produced by Filmworks! and the United Church of Christ. This documentary about gender diversity, community, and call to ministry has shown nationwide and internationally since 2004, and garnered queer film festival audience awards and praise.
Where can I buy or order the book?
You can order Reading Secrets through Bookshop.org or visit your favorite bookstore. Direct links are available throughout this website.
Is this book only for LGBTQ+ readers?
No. While it centers queer experience, Reading Secrets invites readers of all backgrounds into a journey of truth-telling, healing, and spiritual reflection.
Can I host Malcolm Himschoot for a book talk or event?
Yes. Events are being scheduled at bookstores, universities, and progressive churches. To inquire about an author visit, conversation, or community gathering, please reach out through the contact form on this site.
Is this a religious book?
Yes—and also no. While Reading Secrets engages deeply with Scripture, it is not a book of doctrine or persuasion. It’s a spiritual memoir, offering creative reflections for anyone interested in the intersections of faith, identity, and truth—regardless of their background or beliefs.
What inspired you to write this book?
The book was born out of a need to reconcile love and loss, belief and betrayal. Malcolm writes through the lens of a son, a minister, and a witness to how deeply faith and identity can shape—or distort—our relationships.
What kind of reader would connect with this book?
Anyone interested in stories of spiritual transformation, LGBTQ+ inclusion, intergenerational healing, or poetic nonfiction will find something here. It speaks to seekers, survivors, theologians, activists, and artists alike.
Does the book criticize Christianity?
Reading Secrets does not aim to criticize, but rather to reflect honestly on the painful ways Christianity has been used—and misused—in families and institutions. It offers an invitation to reimagine faith as a space for healing and truth.
Is the writing academic, poetic, or personal?
All three. Malcolm blends theological reflection with lyrical prose and personal memory. The style is accessible but richly textured, grounded in lived experience.
Are media or review copies available?
Advance review copies (ARCs) and media kits are available upon request. Please use the contact form to specify your outlet, podcast, or publication.
A Spiritual Journey Written in Verse: Promotional video by Catalyst Press
Reading Secrets
Journey with Malcolm Himschoot as he reclaims the Scripture that exiled him, transforming its secrets into a story of truth, love, and belonging.
Order Your CopyAlso by Malcolm Himschoot
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The New Queer Desire
Digital zine co-edited with Rev. Dr. Rebecca Voelkel and other religious leaders stitching the fabric of intersectional social justice
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Call Me Malcolm: One Man's Struggle with Faith, Love and Gender Identity
Study guide on gender diversity for faith-based congregations
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